In times when we are so uncertain (like many phases of life) we are caught between a sensation of pining for something we are missing, or struggling under the pressure of grief, having the feeling of great loss upon us. I have sensed these emotions in a few life eras, such as throughout a shattered marriage in where nothing I could do would alter the course, or in no longer parenting with children at home, or through life-changing moves to new locations. Health crises and other burdens can shake us into places where we may ask for guidance from God outward and to our inner-most core, which I have certainly done. Poised awaiting, my trembling hand upon an open ear, expecting yet not hearing that golden bugle announce an answer with sublime ringing clarity so as to melodically lift me to a blissful new personal stratosphere. Huh. And so I sat like a lump, a disappointing dollop of melting vanilla ice cream upon a hot sidewalk. Then, I’d fight that self-image and rise up more like Jacob and wrestle the angel who refused to bring me the messages I sought. With angst and fevered inner lava flowing through my heart and extremities, I realized I was not a fallen ice cream cone, nor was I very good WWE fighter. I was caught somewhere in the middle.

Bewildered. To be bewildered is to be lost in a wilderness without knowing where to go, although the beauty of the word suggests to me a wondrous adventure. Like Hansel and Gretel, shouldn’t I be excitedly hearing every bird guide me, if even to the witch’s evil candy-house trap at first, with her awful oven she may shove me into, knowing eventually I will end up in the best situation by the end of my tale? Why do I find the state of bewilderment so frightening, so confusing and so painful?

Eventually pain and fright is so exhausting, the wrestling or sorrowful self-melting so self-defeating, I had a moment of clarity. The bugle did sound. I realized recently that being bewildered is an answer unto itself. Just as Jacob’s wrestling match with the angel was part of the relationship with a great mysterious force of love we call God, with the creative power we do not and will not ever truly understand, but that we are made of, struggling is part of the relationship. We struggle with ourselves. Being bewildered is part of our answer. It is at times THE answer.

During this time when a pandemic has left us with a magnified sense of bewilderment, unable to use external distractions to lighten our inner struggles with inner voids we have not come to terms with yet–unable to make “normal” plans, unable to do things as we once did (I joke that every time I get an iced-tea with a splash of sweet at the drive-thru, I risk my life and everyone can say so at my Zoom-morial), the sensation of utter bewilderment as to how to orient ourselves causes most of us to weep and weep often. But that does not mean we are lost on the journey. It does not mean we are in the wrong place. We are where we are, and can find great meaning in it. As Viktor Frankl so wisely said when he was faced with Concentration Camp horrors, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This bewilderment will change us in ways that will make the truth ring out with spectacular clarity. Bewilderment has become a place I have accepted as refuge, for now.

(Above art: Earth Changes: Epic Spring 2017/sold in Fairfield County, CT)

I have painted and written about the subject of “Earth Changes” for many years. These are changes long foretold, bringing humanity deeper consciousness through extreme weather (which we have seen), natural disaster, war, terrorism, pole shift (something Edgar Cayce spoke about for years before NASA more recently started showing how the magnetic poles are out of balance) and now plagues (Covid-19). We humans tend to mimic or add to what nature is doing, and we too are very polarized in our behavior, political beliefs and ways of communicating (mis-communicating?). And so such hardship, but yet opportunity to adapt and learn to love and care more deeply is upon us through this pandemic. I spent a long day meditating and being in nature, and got three basic scenarios of outcomes for how we might survive or cope with Covid-19, and for whatever it is worth, and with the gray–areas of each scenario, I share them here.

Scenario 1 is the absolute hardest one bec it is the one with the most resistance since it lacks the spiritual change that is most needed—it would not have to lack spiritual growth, but people would have to really, truly change in their hearts to get it to happen easier, which they probably won’t so to get Scenario 1 to happen will not be pain-free. In Scenario 1, enough people will be caring and giving to actually usher in so much love that things ease back into place (with patience, it would take about 3 years for tests and possibly vaccines etc). We all want life to go back to (pretty much?) the way things were as far as jobs, commerce, real estate, travel etc, but we want a more compassionate, kinder system in general, at a home and abroad–a more functionally encompassing global connectedness; a world better than it has been. BUT again this is the hardest choice bec people want to FORCE it to go back to the way it was and they want to skip the compassion and love part. It is easy in American to confuse freedom with self-gratification. But the concept of freedom is based upon ideals of human rights, so it comes with the responsibility of some virtues. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are ideals that must embrace the greater good while protecting the individual. If one has a right to roam around and expose themselves to the virus because they are “free to do so” and should not quarantine, then they also risk the freedoms of others while they are asymptomatic carriers, but also once they are knowingly contagious since everyone from the first responders, doctors and nurses, family members and then morticians, too–all are exposed and so are their extended families. Not to mention everyone else the person has come into contact and THEIR families, etc. This is a huge web of contagion spread–and so freedom here is going to be about more than me me me, it is going to be about compassion for me and others as fellow citizens–that is what freedom is–me and my fellow citizens together functioning under our shared ideals. The responsibility we share is that if I get sick, because you value my life, you will save me. And that you will save me, I in turn honor that and value you and protect your rights as a free citizen, likewise.

Right now what is unfolding is the rush to get “freedom” back–let me get out and be back to the way it was, now! So, they/we are afraid and we can’t blame them/ourselves, they/we are losing their/our livelihood, sense of freedom (or what we assumed was the meaning of freedom) and comforts. But instead of responding with love and from the heart, they/we are lashing out and acting like raging zombies and “eating each other up” energetically. Fear of survival does this, it is understandable. Many more will die bec they/we are trying to fast-track things back to normal. So IF we were to get the world to go back to kind-of-normal through not forcing it, but rather through patience and care and collectively joining forces, it will take time, about 3 years, and even then it will not look exactly the same, it will be kind of the same, but if we did it with care, no matter how fearful, it would be a more loving global dynamic culture. You think we’re capable?
Scenario 2—this is one where we simply don’t pull it together quite for the brokenness that has already been happening for a long time (everyone knows things have not felt right or been so great–economy has been out of balance and getting less humane for some time, people’s lives have felt shattered, there is a lot wrong with our society–regular school shootings for example (!!!) etc) and all systems pretty much have been utterly dysfunctional and in this scenario, they finally do break down. People get in with their own “tribes” and survive in a back-to-basics mode. A scramble to a simple life. But it hurts, is scrappy and messy. Egoes suffer. Wretched if you’re used to being pampered. It may still be somewhat doable as far as some technology, but jobs are not recovering and money isn’t exactly money anymore and food chain is not food like we had etc. We all know, we have seen this kind of possibility before, look at Dorathea Lang photos, recall grandparents’ stories of the dustbowl. We have been through wars and depressions and suffered similar break-downs. It will crush us but will be another way to gain spiritual growth, deeply. A smack in the big American selfie persona. But we will probably still be taking selfies of how to build a chicken coop, etc.
Scenario 3—this one is stranger and rough, too—but it is one where we are so focused right now on Covid-19, like a person who is brought low, not seeing all the other possible dangers, while a myriad of Earth Changes are upon us. Ring of Fire as so so so alert right now. I shudder to think and hope this scenario or something other like it will not happen, but it is one where some other calamity knocks us all silly while we are already down dealing w/ this. And then of course we are slammed into having to change to basics and go through spiritual change, forcibly, more suddenly. Both scenarios 1 and 2 are a bit easier in some ways, this one feels more drastic although Scenario 1 feels harder bec of the energetic resistance. With Scenario 3 there is no resistance, there is just response and zipping into coping mode. I pray for the grace of love to come upon enough of us that God will help Earth not have to go through this the hard way. Ancient Jewish mystical wisdom of which I love studying, teaches that we don’t even need half the world to be devoted to love that we may heal and correct the world, we just need a good many of us.

My prayer is that we are loving enough, patient enough and kind enough to gracefully over the course of 3 years, heal and get our world somewhat back to the way it was without resistance, and with care and kindness, and in time we will once again say things to each other without fear, like, “I’m going on a trip!” or “What new job did you just get?” or “I’m learning a new trade.” etc. I really do pray we will get something like our familiar world back, or what was good about it, and we will have a way to overcome the pandemic. 

Intuitive stream drawing sessions with me involve very complex but engaging and enlivening, often real life-changing imagery. Two views are offered twice, loaded with content that involves past, present and future concepts (the constructs we seem to orient ourselves by but which we are not oppressively subject to or imprisoned by as we imagine ourselves to be) and two chakra views, serving as visual images of the emotional centers of the body. In this view, we see that we have many “inner children” or stages of maturation that get activated routinely, whether throughout the day or in specific areas of life, be it romance, career or sense of direction and more. And we have physical, emotional and mental energy running through each center of the body, so there is a lot of activity happening from head to toe!

Sometimes past life or cell memory influences enter in, and the emotional and physical traumas of those who came before us (and how it was all dealt with) has an impact on us. Think of war veterans and illnesses, and the way these traumas can linger in families for generations. Oppression and hardship get passed down and we work them out continually. It is not all just strife, though, there is honor, valor, determination, love, greatness and endurance earned over time that we also carry in our bodies, from crown to root.

Trying an intuitive stream drawing reading opens you up to seeing your life in a new and unusual way, somewhat like understanding dream imagery, whether it be symbolic or literal, but with humor, surprise and profoundly moving depth. In the above stream drawing, the client’s “spirit animal” for many years turns out to be the dragon, so having a hatching dragon in one chakra chart view is especially meaningful. The presence of a monk, too, was a delight, as her grandfather was a monk. Mediumship is often the most powerful feature of readings, yet we have no control over that. It is meaningful to have visual perspective, unique and poignant, to guide and deepen conscious awareness to enable strength, sense of purpose and empowerment. The purpose of these readings is to empower anyone choosing to enter into the process, to determine the essence and direction of life and cultivate creative self-determination.

I am such a huge life-long fan of Twilight Zone and its super-culture-influencer-genius creator, Rod Serling, that I entered this contest and placed 3rd. Watch the video of the winning entries as they are narrated with style.

Healing Momentum  Elaine Clayton 2017

For a long time now I have had a vision of my ideal wellness center. I pictured one that incorporates many modalities of healing, including intuitive exploration (intuitive stream drawing sessions) and art created with the intention to heal though color, shape and form. I think really on a fundamental level, healing the body is a spiritual event.

In the Tree of Life/The Ten Sefirot, the ancient Kabbalists taught that the 3 aspects of thought/ideas (wisdom/chachma, knowledge da-yot, understanding/ bina) and the 7 emotions (kindness, severity, compassion, humility, endurance, bonding and sovereignty) must all work harmoniously for us to be whole. Yet I have seen in my personal life and in my work so much of our thoughts, memories and emotional dispositions keep us from healing on any level. Our thoughts keep strong negative emotion active, memories are hard to let go of, etc.  We need more than external treatment, we need support changing our narratives and letting go of emotional pain that does not serve us. So I am very excited to announce that I have been invited to join such a practice and will have the opportunity to help that wellness center continue to live out an ideal. There are several practitioners there who do great work, including massage therapists offering a variety of massage (cranio-sacral, lymph drainage, etc) mental health, family and group therapy and an MD who does acupuncture and more). I will announce more in the next few weeks!